


so, when did you know, like, that she was the one for you?

by damniamgay



Series: Hope and Amy [1]
Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, hope just needs a hug, i also live for the annabelle and hope brotp, trigger warning for like homophobia and shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2020-08-10 21:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20142322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damniamgay/pseuds/damniamgay
Summary: Hope had known she liked girls ever since she watched Pocahontas by herself, huddled comfortably in a blanket staring wide-eyed at the screen and sat way too close than advised by her Mom. Pocahontas made her feel strong and not alone and important and all the things that you’re supposed to feel when you’re just five years old.ori love Hope and how she isnt just a bitch so i got too excited exploring her character :/





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this has been a draft for a hot second...i also haven't written or posted in awhile. oops :/  
nevertheless, i've actually proofread this, however i am only one man and my eyeballs are shit anyway so yeah, have fun with that  
title from Good Will Hunting, however i will not pretend like i can quote that film and instead i got it from and Elijahwho song  
i guess trigger warning for homophobia and shit like that

Hope had known she liked girls ever since she watched Pocahontas by herself, huddled comfortably in a blanket staring wide-eyed at the screen and sat way too close than advised by her Mom. Pocahontas made her feel strong and not alone and important and all the things that you’re supposed to feel when you’re just five years old.

She then soon found out that girls liking girls wasn’t something that should happen when she told her Mother that she was going to marry Pocahontas when she grew up. She shouted and screamed and after a few tears were shed from both Hope and her Mom, they promised not to tell Hope’s father.

Hope had liked boys too, though. There was Max. When she was ten, they were at recess and he had given her his favourite Pokemon trading card, then she kissed him underneath the red slide.

It was a kiss on the cheek, but the way he squealed made Hope stare at the trading card with a certain intensity that she couldn’t quite place. She cared more about what type of Pokemon it was instead of the way Max was grinning ear-to-ear. There were no butterflies like she felt when she watched Pocahontas when she was younger, but maybe that’s just how everyone felt. Right?

In freshman year she had her first boyfriend, his name was Daniel and he was in marching band. Hope wasn’t too sure what they had in common, but her parents liked him. He was kind, sweet and smart and loved her.

He smelt like sour cream and onion and his kisses were sloppy and slimy and lacked the elegance or sophistication she wanted. They were both inexperienced, but he drooled over her chin like a dog.

They never hung out during school and whenever Hope made eye contact with him in the hallways he always looked away or managed to ‘magically’ disappear. He broke up with Hope after two months of meeting up after school and his tongue swirling around down her throat. He moved on quickly to Sarah P. Hope didn’t care, she understood. Sarah P was hot.

Sophomore year Hope just wanted to focus on surviving, although she hadn’t cared about Daniel moving on so quickly to Sarah P. It still hurt. So, when Zoe pulled her behind a bike shed and kissed her roughly and needy, she returned it with just as much tenacity.

Zoe didn’t want to label what they were, they were just friends who kissed sometimes, except they weren’t friends, and no one could know that they kissed sometimes. Hope understood though, her parents would hate Zoe, not like how they loved Daniel and his plans to be a famous musician even though he was terrible at the minor part he played in the marching band.

Hope, however, liked the thrill that sneaking around with Zoe gave her. Zoe had a nose piercing and was the cool loner type. She was bold, which was honestly refreshing after seeing how Max gingerly spoke to her or always mumbled whenever she caught his eye. She liked how it made her head spin when they pulled apart and how her lips tingled when she imagined Zoe pressed impossibly close to her.

Her smugness got the better of her and invited her round to her house. Her parents weren’t going to be home.

Her parents were out.

They could kiss and cuddle and hold hands and do all the things that Hope dreamt that her and Zoe could do.

They came home to an empty house and Hope led her to her bedroom and Zoe immediately pulled them close into a searing kiss. One that left Hope’s knees buckling, she was glad that Zoe was much stronger than her and had an iron grip around her waist otherwise she would’ve fallen. Hope bent her neck down further to capture Zoe’s lips again when her bedroom door swung open.

She didn’t remember what happened the rest of that day.

Red hot tears felt like an iron poker to her heart, and her parent’s disapproval felt like weight to her shoulders. She slumped down and took the shouting, the disapproving looks, the sadness from her Mother and the lack of understanding from her Father.

Hope was banned from seeing Zoe for the rest of sophomore year and because they were moving to Los Angeles at the start of Hope’s junior year, it wasn’t exactly a struggle. Word had clearly gotten around school, Zoe had clearly spread some form of rumour in case Hope had tried to.

She wouldn’t.

She felt her heart rip to a million pieces and Zoe was the one pulling it apart.

It was painful.

Walking to every lesson being shouted at, it wasn’t hatred. No, not exactly. They were questions, but Hope shrugged them off. Shouted back at them with equal ferocity, she swore, kicked and screamed back. She was losing a battle with herself. She’d been forced out of the closet she wasn’t even sure she was in.

Had she liked Daniel? Yes, he was nice. Funny. Kind. Smart. Safe. He was okay once you got past the fact that he smelt like a Ruffles chip flavour. Could she imagine herself with someone like Daniel every day? Maybe? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted for breakfast every morning, nevertheless figuring out who she’d want to love in a few years.

Yet, it seemed like everyone at her school had already decided it for her.

So, Hope decided to fight back.

Every time someone tried to talk to her she shoved her middle finger up at them, or she’d plainly ignore them. Her parents always shouting at her for her blunt rudeness was finally helping her. It was letting her know who she could ignore and who she could verbally destroy.

After a few weeks, the verbal smackdowns got old. They always used the same insults, like she was aware she was a dirty sinner.

Thanks for pointing it out though.

Hope would, however, end up miss her high school. Growing up with the same people since pre-k to suddenly not knowing anyone at a new school during junior year would be the death of her. But anything would be better than where she was right now.

The first day of Junior year at her new school was horrible. It was filled with pretentious LA teenagers that thought they were cool because their parents were rich. Hope found it was easy keeping up the bitch persona she had accumulated in sophomore year.

Her second day was better but only because of a certain girl. Hope knew she shouldn’t but what would be a bigger fuck you to her parents than crushing on the first girl that was nice to her at her new school.

She was sat on top of a lunch table with her feet on the seat reading, when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Hi, I’m Molly. I know you’re new and everything, but can I just ask for you to remove your ass from the table and your feet from the seat ‘cause people eat there? Thanks.” Molly seemed to wait impatiently while her friend rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet uncomfortably next to her.

“I’m quite comfortable actually and I’ve seen plenty of other tables around here.” Hope said simply, hardly looking up from her book. She didn’t need to give this teacher’s pet any of her time or attention and definitely didn’t care what she had to think.

“That’s besides the point, people still eat there every day and probably don’t want any of your ass germs on their food.” Molly said punching each word with a self-importance that Hope recognised but didn’t want to relate to.

Hope just shrugged, she didn’t care. She was rereading Jane Eyre and did not need to put up with this shit when the titular character had been through so much more important shit.

Molly seemed to get the message and rolled her eyes, motioning for her lacky to scurry off with her to go pet her ego somewhere else.

Hope tried to go back to reading but felt the presence of someone in front of her. She could normally tune it out and ignore whoever was using her as their entertainment but today something just snapped.

“Can I help you?” Hope asked, her face remaining neutral and blank as she stared at the girl in front of her.

She was stunning.

Nothing like Zoe and definitely nothing like Daniel.

Zoe was rough and abrasive, but this girl looked, soft?

Hope breathed in raggedly and stared at the girl as if she were shooting daggers into her skull. The other girl stood strong and spoke, “Sorry about Molly, she can be... a lot. How’s your first few days been?”

The girl remained rocking on her feet, Hope figured it must’ve been a nervous tick as she was clearly giving off major bitch vibes to have scared off Molly who seemed like the alpha.

“Fine. Why do you care?” Hope remained emotionless. The trick was to not get attached, she can make it through junior year without meeting another version of Zoe.

She’d been fine. Just stick to the task.

Don’t think about the constellation of freckles on her cheeks. Or how sparkly her eyes looked in the sunlight. Or the way her dorky dress sense perfectly matched the small glimpse Hope had into her life.

Fuck.

“I just wanted you to know that I know transferring schools can be tough and if you ever feel like you’re in need of a friend or something?” Her voice lilts at the end indicating that she doesn’t really know what she was talking about, “Oh, I’m Amy by the way.”

She holds her hand out to shake but Hope just stares, “Hope. Thanks for the offer, but your guard dog over there seems to be snarling.” She points over to where Molly was standing looking at Amy smiling up at Hope.

Hope liked seeing Amy smile. She wanted to see it again and she wanted to be the one to make it happen. Her eyes glowed and she looked radiant. Infectious. If she wasn’t so stone cold, she could’ve smiled.

Double fuck.

Amy bade her farewell and walked off to go meet back up with Molly. Hope heard them argue, probably about her. She knew it would be. Amy was meek. It was fine. Everyone had a vice, a fatal flaw, a negative-it was natural and to be expected.

The bell rang and then she walked into English.

“You.” Molly’s voice seethed with anger.

Hope ignored Molly and nodded a small ‘hi’ to Amy. Two can play at this game.

She sat down at the free desk coincidentally diagonal from Amy. God really wanted to fuck her up today, clearly.

Hope just read, it was English after all and the teacher-Miss Fine-didn’t seem to mind at all. She was all too enchanted by Molly and Amy, it seemed as if they were friends. Hope would judge but it was to be expected. 

Her year was uneventful. She’d go to parties, hook-up with someone maybe and then crash at someone’s house and then walk home in the morning.

At the end of junior year, she remembered Jess pulling her into a bedroom, it set her stomach on fire but not the way that it did when she got into a heated argument with Amy over something stupid Molly had said.

Jess kissed her softer than Zoe had but nowhere near as soft as Amy looked. She touched her with a graceful graze and delicate fingertips, her hands gliding around her waist as Hope held her still by two solid hands at the waist.

She’d gotten better since Daniel and shoving his tongue down her throat. She’d improved since Zoe and wanted to show that she may be into girls and she may be a bitch but at least she has fucking game.

Jess kissed her deeper and pushed her to the floor, she pulled off her favourite fringe jacket and threw it aside and Hope just imagined the whole hook-up with Amy in place of Jess. She knew it was wrong and she felt bad for Jess but, she was drunk and probably high.

Neither of them would remember it in the morning so Hope didn’t care about what Jess thought.

Her walk home was a lot. It turned into a hike more than anything. She cleared her mind of Amy and Jess and Zoe and Sarah P. She tried to think of Daniel and how she could have gotten used to smelling sour cream and onion every morning and how he stuck his tongue down her throat like he was searching for something.

Hope played with the sleeve on her jacket while thinking about Amy. Amy was like her Pocahontas. She was brave and kind and smart and so mind-numbingly cute. She heard about Amy coming out last year because this kid was getting bullied for being gay, she heard about the ongoing campaign for whether the all-gender bathroom was going to be introduced and Amy always seemed to put others before herself.

She shook her head at herself and started the slow walk back home, her Mother would be wondering where she was. She was trying and that was all Hope could care for.

Hope appreciated it truly.

When she went to school the next week, she expected people to gawk at her, to point and laugh or to shout at her. Yet when nothing happened except a few of Jess’ friends shooting her death glares, Hope felt the tension she was holding, drop. She smirked and in all her smugness even shot a wink at Jess when she walked by her.

She may be gay, but she can have a little fun while doing it.

She spent the rest of the year drifting in between classes, her mind occupied by Amy. Hope could only dream of speaking to her in a way that wasn’t insulting to her or Molly.

She received glares from Molly and friendly smiles from Amy that were immediately wiped away by a glare from Molly. It was cute in a way, the way Amy’s face contorted into a glare that seemed all too unnatural on her. Hope was in and she was in fucking deep.

Hope spent most of her junior year speaking to Annabelle as she was in most of her classes. They weren’t best friends exactly, but they were friendly and close enough that Annabelle know what was going on inside Hope’s head. It was the closest Hope had felt to having a good friend for a while.

“So, you’ve almost been here a year,” Hope nodded, rolling her eyes knowing where Annabelle was going with this, “Anyone in particular you have your eye on?”

Annabelle’s eyes twinkled and in a different universe Hope would’ve assumed that they’d be together. They were good together, funny and understood each other without much need for words.

Hope shot her a glare, “No.”

Annabelle laughed, “Oh come on, you don’t think I see how you stare at little miss perfect over there.” Annabelle pointed largely and enthusiastically with her hand.

Hope immediately lunged over to her and batted her arm down, “Stop it.” She felt her face warm a little, she breathed in deeply to remain as neutral as possible. It was part of her charm

“She’s gay. You’re whatever you are and you’re hot. You could just walk over there and like ask her out or something.” Annabelle shrugged pushing Hope’s hands off her.

“Yeah, but just watch.”

“That sounds so creepy.” Annabelle said narrowing her gaze at Hope, who just rolled her eyes and nodded back towards Amy.

Amy was walking, well more staggering across the quad to go talk to Ryan. They heard Amy awkwardly trying to flirt with Ryan and just being obliviously shot down.

Annabelle’s face remained neutral, “So? She likes a straight girl, everyone knows Ryan has a thing for Nick anyway. You can still slide in there.”

Hope leant back on to her hands from her position on the table, “Yeah, clearly not her though but still. Look at Ryan, and then look at me. Notice anything different.”

Annabelle snorted, “Oh dude, you’re hot. Everyone knows this. I heard Jess bragging about hooking up with you when I was in the bathroom the other day.”

Hope’s face didn’t change.

“Ugh, fine. Be a useless lesbian and pine after her.”

She rolled her eyes and went back to watching Amy stumble back over to Molly with her head in her hands, clearly embarrassed from making a fool out of herself. That’s what she wanted. Amy to be nervously stumbling over her words and awkwardly gesturing with her hands because she couldn’t think of something that would make her sound at least remotely cool.

“I approve of this crush though. You picked well.” Annabelle clapped her on the back before she stood up and offered her a hand down. Hope smiled slightly at Anabelle before smirking.

“As if I need your approval to do anything.”

It was senior year and Hope was still watching (creepily, Anabelle would add) from afar. She was never one to pine, but when it came to Amy she never knew what to expect. She liked it when she insulted Amy and Amy fought back, it lit a fire inside her stomach and clawed at her heart.

Hope was impressed when the all-gender bathroom was actually introduced. Almost a little proud and Annabelle teased her lightly for it. She felt a bit happier than she had in a while though and that was the important thing.

She was in the bathroom stall near the end of lunch trying to skip next lesson when she heard familiar voices enter the room.

“Amy, just talk to her. Just walk up to her and be like, ‘Hey Ryan, wanna go out on Saturday?’” Hope heard the voice and immediately knew it was Molly, it made her want to leave but for the sake of hearing about Amy’s relationship developments with Ryan, she stayed.

“Oh, cause that’s so easy. I can barely say hi to her without tripping over or embarrassing myself.” Amy retorted, Hope could just picture the sad puppy look on her face.

“Well, she invited you to that party at Nick’s. That’s gotta mean something.”

Hope froze, she sneezed and internally cursed herself. She flushed the toilet and came out.

Molly’s face was an absolute picture of disgust, “Were you listening in on our conversation? Did you parents not teach you any manners?”

Hope washed her hands and glared at Molly, “I _was_ planning on skipping next lesson. But oh, please Ass President teach me some manners.”

Hope smirked at Molly while she was drying her hands with the paper towels, Amy had _insisted_ they used.

Molly rolled her eyes, “Just leave, we were having a moment here.”

Hope chuckled lightly, she touched her hand to Amy’s arm and felt electricity circle through her veins. “It is the last party before graduation, you should go.” She winked as she left.

She didn’t wait to hear if Amy and Molly would talk about her, but she saw Amy’s face heat up when she winked and that was good enough for her.

She just wanted to see Amy at that party, Anabelle had invited her, and she had wanted an excuse to get wasted recently and what better one than graduation.

So, when she went she almost expected Molly and Amy to walk through the front door at any moment. She knew it was the day before graduation. She knew Amy was going to Botswana. She knew they probably would never see each other again but Hope just wanted one night of seeing Amy for who she truly is away from Molly.

She played a few rounds of beer pong with Annabelle and they became the reigning champions knocking Theo and Tanner off their high horse. She bantered and chatted and did everything she hadn’t let herself since she moved. And when she saw Molly and Amy strut inside the party late, Hope was preparing herself to make a move.

“You got this, just be yourself. Actually don’t, you can be a bitch.” Annabelle laughed when Hope stared at her, her left eyebrow wobbling hinting that she was going to smile.

She downed her drink and traipsed her way across the living room to where Amy was, she saw Ryan pull her by her hand into the room where everyone was laughing at karaoke. Hope’s interest was piqued, and she leant against the door watching, no one would notice. They were all too drunk or entranced by George’s rendition of ‘You Oughta Know’. Hope watched carefully as Ryan’s hands rested on Amy’s knees and saw her cheeks grow a deep shade of red.

She was just about to leave when George pulled Amy to her feet and thrust the microphone he had just deepthroated into her hands. Hope lingered staring at Amy, wondering if she was going to sing or not.

She sung. And Hope felt her brain explode. “What the fuck.” Hope whispered to herself, not wanting to rip her eyes off of Amy and seeing the infectious smile spread across her face. She looked free and happy. Hope scanned the room. She was away from Molly. She was impressed, truly and just wanted to pull her into a tight hug.

Amy stopped singing and Hope walked into the room briefly to try and talk to Amy but saw Ryan sling and arm around her waist and pull her towards the pool. Hope saw them strip down and launch themselves into the pool together and she ran.

“Get the fuck out.” Hope said when she opened the bathroom door, skipping the incredibly long line. She heard people calling her a psycho or a bitch, but she didn’t care.

She was used to it. It was fine.

She pulled a cigarette out of her pocket and lit it. Taking a long drag, she sat on the toilet lid resting her head on the wall. She just wanted to go home now more than anything, but Annabelle was her ride home and she didn’t fancy walking home by herself while drunk and it was incredibly dark outside.

She eventually found herself thinking of Amy and how think could’ve been different if she was nicer or funnier or braver. She scoffed at the thought of changing herself for a girl and she took another drag from her cigarette. Hope heard someone open the door and stumble in. “What the fuck. I locked that.”

The person looked up and Hope softened, Amy had been crying and was now in a bathroom with her. Alone. She needed to stay neutral, don’t do anything crazy. Amy was her own person, she could make her own decisions and she was not taking advantage of her when she was crying, drunk and by herself.

She was even starting to sound like Amy and Hope internally kicked herself for how much she actually cared for the other girl.

“Well, I guess you didn’t.” Amy stayed staring at herself in the mirror. Her hands clasped tightly at the edge of the countertop as if she let go, she would just fly away. It reminded Hope of herself.

Hope liked it when Amy was alone, she was more brazen. Less afraid to be herself, not held back by the restraints of Molly or by what she thought Molly would want her to be or do. She raised her eyebrows and spoke, “What’s wrong with you, a fight with your wife?”

Hope had heard the shouting outside, she’d heard some of the things that Molly had said to Amy and it was understandable that she was upset. But Amy also delivered some pretty nasty things back. She wasn’t as meek as she thought she was.

“Can you please just leave me alone?” Hope felt her heart ache as Amy stuttered and stared at her reflection hunched over.

She immediately retorted, “Why are you even at a party? Shouldn’t you be marching in some meaningless protest somewhere. Or, I don’t know. In your bed doing some homework.”

Hope waited for Amy to stay silent, to prove her right after these few years. That she was just Molly’s lacky and did nothing for herself.

A small, “You don’t even know me.” Caused Hope to scoff.

She did know Amy. She’d watched her. She had seen how she talks to someone she likes, how she awkwardly sways when she’s nervous, how she may be a teacher’s pet, but she never puts her hand up. They’d spent AP English together for two years, she’d seen how Miss Fine loved her and how they were sort of friends. Hope found it cute but really, really weird.

She knows how Amy’s probably just as nervous as she is now and how she hates when Molly takes advantage of her. But Amy lets it happen because she’s so undeniably nice and kind and sweet and all the things Hope would ever want in a person but could never deserve.

So, she answered. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

She took a drag and acted disinterested when Amy flared up, her anger visible now. And my god, was Hope attracted to her.

“No, you’re just one of those people who claims they’re honest or calling people on their shit. When really you’re just mean.”

Hope could’ve laughed at that. She really could have. She didn’t know why, maybe just because Amy was finally standing up for herself and all it took was a separation from Molly. So, Hope kept pushing. She liked this new version of Amy.

She breathed out, “Wow,” she lowered her leg and sat looking at Amy, “Wow, I take it back.”

Throwing the cigarette on the floor, she stamped it out and threw it into a near-by cup.

She walked slowly over to Amy and held her head impossibly close to Amy’s, she was never worried or nervous but if she was it was never visible. “You are a badass, who takes no prisoners and cries in the bathroom at parties.”

She backed away and rest her arm against the wall still maintaining eye contact with Amy, she knew she was being all to hypocritical here. She was in the bathroom, smoking because she was upset because a girl didn’t like her. Amy didn’t need to know that though.

Amy stepped closer to her, “Why are you so cruel?”

Hope shrugged, “I just don’t like meek people. And you? You’re like Molly’s little sidekick bitch.”

She stated pretty matter-of-factly, and she should really stop underestimating Amy because she retaliates.

“Well, you’re just a basic hot girl, who’s gonna peak in high school.” Hope’s eyes went wide, she couldn’t have expected Amy would snap like that and definitely did not expect her to call her hot. Amy, called her hot. And she didn’t think Amy could get any closer when suddenly she was surging towards her. Then, they were kissing.

They separated just as quickly as it was initiated, and Amy still looked up at Hope as if she could crush her whole world with just one word. Hope just smirked and chuckled before biting her lip and looking at Amy’s lips waiting for her to kiss her again.

And Amy must’ve been feeling brave because she kissed her with such force that Hope was glad she had her hand leaning up against the wall, she placed her hand on Amy’s waist delicately and craned her neck down to kiss Amy back with the same amount of passion.

Amy grasped at the collar of her favourite jacket and pulled on it to hold Hope closer to her and then suddenly her jacket was off, and Hope’s hands were resting on Amy’s lower back as they were kissing roughly although a little sloppy, Hope loved every second of it.

Then they were on the floor and Amy was taking off her shirt and Hope didn’t know how Amy was this smooth or was quite this capable, but they were making out and Hope was shirtless. A small woah, escaped Amy’s lips which caused Hope to smile awkwardly as she looked at Amy who was finally at the same level as her.

Hope moved to kiss Amy again and felt her sway underneath her touch. She quickly pulled away, “Are you okay?”

Why was she so soft all of a sudden? How did Amy have this astounding impact on Hope?

Amy rubbed her eyes, almost refusing to make eye contact with Hope. “Yeah, sorry. I just uh, got a little dizzy for a second there.”

Hope looked her face over, deducing her facial expression. “We can stop if you want.” She made sure Amy knew that, and that Amy knew that she didn’t want to break any of her dumb feminist rules or whatever. Although she didn’t want to stop, she’d be happy doing whatever Amy was happy with.

She wanted whatever this was between them, to be as close to normal as possible. As if Hope would ever feel normal after hooking-up with her crush in a bathroom at a party.

Clearly, Amy had the same idea as Hope, “No, we are not stopping.”

Hope chuckled out a shaky, “Okay.”

She felt Amy lightly push her shoulders back and Hope was okay with that. If Amy wanted to prove that she wasn’t meek or a little bitch like she was accused of earlier, Hope was game. So, she leant back and unbuttoned her jeans and watched with curiosity as Amy acted with as much passion as she did in argument or marches or rallies or anything that inspired her.

She slid the jeans down Hope’s legs and stopped to undo the laces of her converse. Watching, Hope placed a hand behind her head and laughed awkwardly. Amy threw the shoes off to the side with the t-shirt and jacket and resumed attacking the jeans with her full force. Hope giggled at the amount of effort and passion Amy was putting into this.

When Amy pulled maybe too hard and went flying back with the jeans. Hope sat up slightly, “Are you okay?” She laughed lightly at the whole situation and just saw Amy nodding, excitedly.

Amy resurfaced and paused, she looked into Hope’s eyes. Maybe searching for permission, maybe seeing if Hope still wanted this and Hope chuckled nervously as Amy’s stare tore her open.

The other girl pulled her underwear down her legs and Hope refused to look away from Amy’s face, she was right when she assumed this was the furthest she had ever gone with a girl. This was definitely not Hope’s first rodeo, but it was definitely the first that had meant something.

Amy stared anywhere else except the girl laid on the floor in front of her, when it looked like it clicked. Hope could’ve laughed, but she settled for her classic smirk instead when Amy piped up with, “I should, uh, probably take off mine too.”

“Yeah.” Hope teased.

Hope just watched Amy take off the dress. It was something she had never expected Amy to wear. She was always a jacket and jeans kind of girl, but Hope liked the dress on the girl.

“It’s a nice dress.” Hope’s eyes where wide when Amy pulled the dress off her head and threw it over to the rest of their discarded clothes.

“It was all she had.” Amy said, crawling up Hope’s body. Scrap that, flirty Amy was Hope’s new favourite Amy. And Hope must’ve looked confused because Amy continued with, “Miss Fine.”

And Hope couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh my god, of course.”

Then suddenly, they were kissing again, and Hope had to admit Amy was a quick learner. And she felt Amy’s hand run down her stomach and hit her leg. And she was never readier when-

Oh shit.

Amy must’ve felt her tense because they’re not kissing anymore, and her face is centimetres from hers and painted with anxiety and nerves. Hope kept her hand on Amy’s shoulder, maybe to try and reassure her. She was going to have to tell her, right? Did she?

“How-how is that for you?” Amy asked, clearly nervous as Hope’s face clearly didn’t show what it should. Hope winced and breathed out slowly.

“Uhm, it’s okay?” She said plainly.

“Is there, really a way you would prefer, or just like- “

Hope cut Amy off, her hand still resting on her shoulder as she whispered, “I don’t think that’s the hole you think it is.”

“Oh my god.”

“No, it’s okay.” Hope was quick to respond, not wanting Amy to leave and wanting to try again.

“Oh my god. I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Hope wanted to reassure her, make sure she was okay, make sure that she wasn’t scarred for life or whatever. So what, she cared about Amy. Big deal.

Amy screwed her eyes up tight and Hope watched on worriedly, “It’s just, I’m not used to approaching it from that angle and my, my geometry was off.”

Hope tried to reassure with a soft smile and a light chuckle, “Seriously, don’t worry about it.”

It almost sounded too casual and Hope hated herself for it, did it make it sound like she had people doing that all the time? What was Amy going to think of her now?

But Hope was too wrapped up to see Amy reaching for the two red solo cups on the side of the bathtub, one of which had Hope’s cigarette in.

And before she knew it, Amy vomited on her.

She’d been disgusted before, Daniel disgusted her. She was disgusted by herself at times, but this really took first place.

“What the fuck.” Hope managed to wheeze out before looking down at herself and jumping into the shower behind her.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” Hope could tell Amy was trying, and she commended her for that but when you vomit on someone after having accidentally fingered their butthole. It probably wasn’t a good time to stick around.

Hope just groaned in response as she tried to work out how the shower worked, like who seriously needed five different options for cold water. The smell reached her nostrils and she wrinkled her nose in disgust releasing another wave of groans.

“Are you okay?” Amy tried again.

Damn, this girl was persistent. Maybe that’s what Hope liked about her. But she really didn’t want to think about her while she was currently trying to wash her vomit off her half naked body.

“Amy, just go.” Hope practically begged. She didn’t want her to leave, not really. She wanted to stay and talk and find out why Amy kissed her.

Hope listened closely to hear Amy breathing deeply, almost as if she was trying to calm herself down. She probably wanted to talk about this as well. Of course, she did. She was kind and sweet and nice and everything Hope wasn’t.

“Please go,” Hope wanted to break down and she couldn’t do that with Amy here, she’d ask too many questions about her past and she did not want to reveal that, “Please fucking leave.”

Hope listened to Amy scuttle about probably putting her dress back on, it did feel wet when she was leaning against her.

“Sorry, I’m going as fast as I can.”

One more push, Hope.

“Go.”

Hope knew she shouldn’t have pushed Amy away. She would actually make an effort to listen to her but it’s fine. They’ll both be gone soon. Amy in Botswana making tampons for underprivileged girls and Hope living out every girls’ fantasy of traveling the world.

She shouldn’t be so hard on herself. She achieved something tonight, she got the pristine, good teacher’s pet to _almost_ have sex with her on the bathroom floor of a shitty party. She’d rank that as a pretty high achievement.

She darted her eyes around the bathroom, double checking that she hadn’t left anything when she saw Amy’s underwear on the floor. She sighed and rolled her eyes picking them up and stuffing them into her jeans pocket.

Hope emerged the bathroom twenty minutes later, after an existential crisis or two she decided it was time to find Anabelle and her ride home.

She heard the sirens first and then the police officers grab Amy who was running at them shouting the process to making a tampon. If she was trying to get herself arrested before graduation, it was the sure-fire thing to do. Hope hid in the group of people that had not yet dispersed despite Amy’s amazing diversion, she heard Amy shout. “Shotgun! Jokes, I don’t have one.”

Hope smirked and she suddenly realised, it was going to take her a lot longer than a trip around the world to get over Amy. And no matter how many Zoe’s or Sarah P’s she thought were hot, she could never get over her nerd.

At graduation, she hadn’t expected Amy to show. She nudged Annabelle to look at Gigi who was asleep on top of the piano. “Stop trying to distract yourself from what happened last night.”

Hope shrugged, “What’s there to say? We were going to fuck, we didn’t, she got arrested.”

Annabelle would normally have laughed at how stupid that sounded but instead actually wanted to give Hope some meaningful advice, “If you don’t talk to her, how will she know how you feel. To her, you could just seem like a hook-up gone wrong. Her first kiss, I’m assuming although you said she was good anyway, she isn’t exactly going to forget you anytime soon. If you’re sure you want to pursue her, find a way to talk to her.”

Hope stared at Annabelle. Almost shocked at the advice. “Yeah, well she’s in jail so I’m not exactly going to be able to talk to her anytime soon, am I?”

Then just as Jared was about to start Molly’s speech, a car smashing through the gates and drifting across the school field interrupted him. Hope stared praying it was Amy, she had obviously noticed that Molly wasn’t there and for once had hoped that Molly could do something for once.

Molly and Amy emerged from Jared’s car and everyone cheered. Of course, she was their saviour.

Everyone whooped and hollered at Molly and Amy as they weaved through the rows of chairs. Amy went to let go of Molly’s hand when Molly nodded at her. Hope screwed her eyebrows together when suddenly Amy thrust her fist into the air. She looked radiant in the sunlight and happy yet embarrassed to be soaking in the schools’ affections. She quickly bowed and gave Molly a thumbs up before running to her assigned seat.

Hope’s fairly certain she spaced out after that. She had never clapped harder or smiled wider in her life and Annabelle saw the goofy grin on her face and teased her lightly. Her face turned a shade darker, but she continued to clap until Molly started her speech.

Graduation was boring after that and was filled with mandatory pictures and useless awards and prizes. Hope was mentally planning in her head where she would be going backpacking. Starting out in Europe and traveling into Asia and maybe Australia if she has the money before eventually going back home. She’d apply to whatever college would take her, preferably one as far away from LA as possible so she didn’t have to see anyone ever again.

She decided maybe on NYU and not just because she knew Amy was going to Columbia. Definitely not.

Annabelle hyped her up two days later to visit Amy, mainly to give back her underwear because it would be weird if she kept it and so they could talk. In case Amy couldn’t talk (Hope had seen how Amy acted around Ryan and knew that if Amy liked her, it would be a similar situation), she had written her number down on a piece of paper and was planning on giving it to her.

It was a fool proof plan really. So, why was Hope feeling more and more nervous with every step she took from her car to Amy’s front door? The plastic bag rustled in her iron grip and she regretted bringing such a loud bag.

She knocked and waited and was greeted by Amy’s dad. He offered to let her inside but from seeing Molly gawk at her from the window, she politely declined. She leant up against the side of the house and waited patiently for Amy giving herself a tiny pep talk as Amy walked awkwardly outside in her Birkenstocks and socks. She was ever the fashion icon in high school.

“Hey.” Amy said, awkwardly swaying. It was endearing in a way that Hope couldn’t explain.

“Hey, I figured I’d bring back your clothes.” She held the bag out and almost laughed at seeing Amy’s eyes bulge wide.

“Oh, thanks so much. I don’t,” she paused to think, “I don’t usually leave my underwear in, in places that aren’t my room.”

Hope smirked, she knew Molly was wildly gesturing behind her and she knew the gesturing was putting Amy off even more, but she had to admit she had more game than her first few run-ins with Ryan.

“I figured.”

Hope’s intense gaze found Amy again and Amy looked completely dumbfounded, “So, uhm. How, how are you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?” Hope could remember the look of horror on Amy’s face when she realised than not only had she accidentally fingered Hope’s butthole, but she had also vomited on her. And it almost made her want to laugh at the thought of it now.

“Yeah. You know, prison kind of changes you, but uhm, I’m fine.”

Hope hummed in response and chuckled when she met Amy’s eyes, it was all too awkward but was true Amy style.

“I’m sorry, I just. I really don’t know what I’m doing with all that stuff yet.” Amy said laughing to herself about her own awkwardness. Hope could feel it, but her laughter was infectious, and it made her feel ten times lighter than she really was.

Hope smirked and raised her eyebrows teasingly, “Well, for someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing, you kind of know what you’re doing.”

Hope prayed to every god that existed that Amy understood that she was flirting and knew her prayers might have been answered when Amy laughed and replied with, “That’s, aah. Uhm, that’s cool.”

They locked eyes again and Hope felt dizzy from the amount that Amy had been looking at her, “So, how, uh. How is your, how is, how is your summer going?”

Hope was definitely confused now because they had graduated two days ago and then she started wondering if she was having the impact she wanted to have.

“I mean, what are you doing for, for the summertime?” Amy continued, looking happy with herself that she actually managed to get out a coherent sentence let alone one that Hope could respond to.

Her face softened when she responded, “I think I’m gonna backpack around for a bit.”

The excitement on Amy’s face was all that Hope could’ve hoped for, “Really?”

Hope chuckled, “Yeah.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, anywhere I can find a couch to crash on. I just, you know. I wanna see some stuff before college.”

Amy nodded vigorously, and Hope thought she would explode from the excitement, “That’s, that’s really cool. Me too, that’s, that’s why I’m taking a gap year.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Hope chuckled again, this time nervously as she reached into her pocket and her fingers grazed the paper. “All right, well. Have fun, nerd.”

She held the paper out waiting for Amy to catch on and take it but when her eyes didn’t leave Hope’s she flickered her own down to it. Amy finally slipped it out between Hope’s fingers. And Hope meant nerd endearingly, but it was all too easy to slip back in to calling Amy a nerd when she embodied the living definition of one.

Hope started walking away, she felt confident and even managed to add a little spring in her step so when Amy called out to her she turned around immediately. “Uhm, well if, if you ever end up in Botswana you’d have a couch to crash on.”

Hope chuckled happily, the feeling becoming a regular thing around Amy and she was beginning to really like spending time with her that wasn’t spent in a dimly lit bathroom that smelt strangely of mould and Cheetos. “Okay.”

She turned back and started walking away but she could just sense that Amy would say something to ruin the cool moment she was just experiencing, “Well, technically, it won’t be my couch, cause I’ll be staying with a family. But I’m sure they’ll be cool with it.”

Hope laughed and waved Amy a goodbye, “Okay.”

She was going for definite now because if she turned again to look at Amy she would definitely try and kiss her and she didn’t want to assume that, that was what Amy would want. Oh god, she was even starting to sound like Amy.

Hope didn’t exactly expect anything from giving Amy her number, she almost expected radio silence for the entirety of the year she was in Botswana. Which is why the text she received a day later all too confusing.

** _ Unknown: _ ** _Hi, this is Amy. Are you busy today?_

“What the fuck.” Hope dropped the book she was holding and was packing into her carry-on. She was flying out to Spain in two days, but she was staying at Anabelle’s, so she could drive her to the airport along her drive to Yale.

** _Hope:_ ** _ You’re supposed to be on a plane._

That was true. She was. Her flight was twenty-eight hours to Gaborone. She’d googled it just in case Amy texted her and she didn’t want to exactly sound like a dim-wit.

** _Amy: _ ** _I got off the plane._

Hope could’ve face palmed, she bet it had something to do with Molly. She bet Molly made her stay an extra hour or something and she so happened to _accidentally_ miss her flight.

** _Amy: _ ** _Before you ask, no Molly didn’t make me. This was my own decision._

** _Hope: _ ** _It was fucking stupid. But yeah, I can be free. What time and place you thinking?_

** _Amy: _ ** _Coffee in fifteen?_

** _Hope: _ ** _I’ll pick you up. _


	2. Chapter 2

Staring in disbelief because of something Amy had done, had easily become a past time for Hope. From reading the old Instagram post about how Amy told everyone that she was gay because some girl had confided in her that she was worried about coming out. Then seeing her passionately lead marches and giving moving speeches at rallies. And Amy kissing her out of the blue and willing to have sex with her in some gross bathroom. The video of her becoming a Crockett legend by getting arrested the night before graduation. To now. Where Hope is just as surprised that Amy skipped her flight to begin the life that she seemingly had always wanted. She was going to create huge changes, help a whole bunch of women. It was admirable. 

If not a little ‘white saviour’. But Hope was certain that Amy would do everything she could so as not to undermine the women and girls she was so intent on helping in Botswana. It made her smile, only a little, at her phone reading the texts from her. 

If Anabelle were here, she would be commenting on how she’s already whipped, and they haven’t spent actual time with each other. 

“Her sticking a finger in your asshole is not quality time together, Hope. Even if you did enjoy it a little,” Anabelle had winked at her, Hope recalled, she had visited her house after graduation. Both pissed at how long the day had dragged on, but Hope could not deny the grin on her face whenever she thought about Amy driving Jared’s car through the field gates and drifting across the grass. 

“Fuck off,” Hope could only reply. She was still caught up in her thoughts about Amy to think of a better reply to her comments on the accidental anal. 

“You need a drink, girl,” Anabelle laughed lightly before she stood and grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge. She had handed it to Hope and a sigh left her lips before she grabbed it. Rather solemnly. 

Drinking had made her think about the last few years, the move to Crockett and how that had rendered her into an emotionless bitch. Or how pissed Zoe was at her when they were caught, but also how she used to kiss her roughly. And how she had enjoyed it. A lot.

It made the whole bathroom incident seem all the more special, somehow. Amy’s kisses were soft yet could make her knees weak and push her to the floor. They were inexperienced but Hope found it even more endearing. 

It made Hope realise that she liked Amy because she was nothing like the people she had encountered in her short eighteen years of existence. She was a breath of fresh air that she had been choking for. 

And now she didn’t have Anabelle here at the moment to help her through this. Not that she would ever admit to her that she wanted her help. Just that it would be nice to have another opinion on her situation. 

She sighed before standing. 

“It’s only coffee,” Hope chanted to herself as it were a mantra that would help her prepare for whatever this was going to be. She didn’t even know if it was a date, or a hangout, or just a chat about what happened at Nick’s party. 

Stressed, she ran her hand through her hair and flicked through the clothes in her closet. She saw the all too familiar fringe jacket and laughed as she felt the material between her thumb and forefinger. That whole night felt like a fever dream, she hadn’t really anticipated Amy to text her. Or really for Amy to not get on the plane. 

“Fucking Molly.” 

Hope shook her head and breathed out a shaky breath. She picked up a plain white t-shirt and a denim jacket out of her closet. She stared at herself in the mirror, freshly dressed maybe a tad too ultra-critical of herself. Maybe a little bit overthinking and maybe a bit too nervous, as her brother walked in. 

“Ooh, where are you going? Any lucky ladies!” He said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively causing himself to chuckle lightly. Hope stared at him. 

“Shut up, Jackson. And honestly, I have no clue,” She shrugged, and he offered her a sympathetic smile. 

“Just don’t do that thing where you stare so hard you look like you’re plotting their death, y’know,” Hope laughed and nodded as she pushed him out of the bedroom with her. 

“I’ll let you know how it goes?” He seemed delighted by this and walked off into the living room. “I’m leaving now, I don’t know when Mom will be home. But I’ll be back in a few hours.” 

He popped his head up from the sofa, “Go get yourself a woman, Hope. Please, it’s sad how lonely you are.” 

She showed him her middle finger as she left, and she could hear him laughing as she shut the door. Checking the time on her phone, she chewed her bottom lip and walked towards her car. She took a moment to bask in the calming thrumming of the engine after she had turned the key. Hope steadily pulled out of the driveway and began to make her way to Amy’s house. 

She remembered only a few days ago she had been driving these exact roads, with exactly the same thoughts rushing through her mind. What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I’m assuming too much? How do I speak to her? What do I even say to her? 

Hope could’ve laughed at herself; she had become exactly the thing that she had disliked about Amy. Or supposedly disliked about Amy. She turned into Amy’s driveway a short eight minutes later, she knew they lived near each other, but it always managed to slip her mind just how near. 

She checked herself out in the rear-view mirror and stepped out the car, feeling a little less confident by the second. Hovering by the door, she breathed in and knocked. After a few seconds went by it took every fibre of her being to not walk away and say no to the entire idea of having coffee with Amy. 

With lovely, nice, passionate, adorable and enthusiastic Amy. Amy who would stand up for everyone before herself. Amy who kissed her out of nowhere, Amy who had asked her out for coffee, Amy who had gotten off of her plane to Botswana to live out her dream of being a badass activist and wanted to spend time with her and not Molly. 

If anything, that helped Hope to regain a little spring in her step. She fought the urge to lean up against the wall again and wanted to look at least interested in Amy this time, but also anxiety had her rooted to the same spot when Amy finally opened the door. 

“Hey,” Hope finally spoke, looking up and down at Amy. Cute, she thought. She wore a yellow t-shirt that reminded her of the outfit she wore last time she came, and it produced a smirk on her face. 

“Hi,” Amy replied, a small smile on her face as Hope wiped her hands on the front of her jeans. 

Hope began walking towards her car and looked back at Amy, “Where we going then?” she watched her awkwardly walk towards her and matched her pace as they walked up to Hope’s car. 

“The coffee shop near the library?” 

Amy was also nervous. That helped calm Hope’s nerves a little, but it also meant that Amy wouldn't be saying much, and she knew she wasn’t a huge conversationalist herself. Yet, the only thing on her mind was that Amy got off the plane and wanted to know why. 

The car ride was relatively silent except for the quiet hum of the radio that Amy seemed to be bobbing along to. Hope watched out of the corner of her eye and couldn’t help the small smile on her face. 

They pulled up to the coffee shop and Hope climbed out of the car and waited for Amy as she crossed to the sidewalk. Hope moved to open the coffee shop door for Amy and she watched as a light pink dusted Amy’s cheeks. 

She muttered a slight “thank you,” and Hope felt a certain pride fill her chest. She could feel her heart beating out of control and her stomach felt all too crazy for just the small interactions she was having with Amy. She felt like how she did with Zoe, but softer. And calmer. And less on edge. 

Hope followed Amy into the cafe and watched as she sat in a booth near the back of the shop, conveniently near a massive bookcase. She sat across from her and watched her intently as Amy began to play with her hands nervously. 

“It’s nice here,” Hope began, watching Amy carefully. Amy hummed simply in response looking at anywhere but Hope. 

She’s never properly been on a date, sure maybe eating sandwiches with Daniel in the library away from everyone could be classed as a date. But nothing too official. Looking up at Amy, she cocked her head trying to understand what was happening between them. She knew what she wanted but was this so Amy could let her down gently? 

Amy could sense Hope staring at her and a deep red blush climbed up her neck and onto her face, Hope smirked and leant back casually into the booth. 

"I-uhm-" Amy began, finally looking Hope in the eyes, "what do you want?" Hope watched her awkwardly gesture widely at the big chalkboard menu. 

Hope glanced up at it once more, reading each thing carefully, "An iced coffee," Amy nodded approvingly.

"I think I'm going to get a green tea."

Hope nodded and stood, pulling her wallet out of her pocket before she felt a hand on top of her own. She immediately tensed and looked at the hand with a glare that could kill, and Amy slowly retracted her hand. "I asked you out, I'm paying for it."

Hope softened quickly afterwards remembering what her brother had said to her before she left. Nodding slowly, Hope sat back down and raised an eyebrow. "You asked me out, huh?"

She saw her blush once more, before covering her face slightly with her hands, "Shush, you know what I mean."

Laughing lightly, she watched as Amy walked off quickly to join the queue. It was sweet to see Amy trying, for her. Amy was trying for her.

A mean, basic hot girl. A girl who couldn't make more than one friend throughout her short two years at Crockett. A girl that was a bitch to this sweet, nice girl that was trying for her. It made her head and heart hurt just thinking about it and she was immediately thrust back into the moment her parents were shouting at her and disappointed in her. 

It didn't matter that her Mom was trying, her dad was a dick and that's all he'd ever be to her. 

She didn't hear Amy return five minutes later, drinks in hand almost tripping as she neared the table. 

Amy went to touch Hope but hesitated, remembering what happened only a few minutes prior and instead opted for waving her hand in front of her face. "Hey," she said softly, "thought I lost you there. You okay?"

Hope blinked a few times before looking at Amy and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay." 

She sipped her drink, racking her brain for conversation starters before landing on something that was purely for her own amusement. However, she did genuinely want to know the answer. 

"So, what is this?" Hope gestured between herself and Amy, a raised eyebrow showing off that she was anticipating a brain fart from Amy.

She saw Amy pause and she had never seen someone so deep in thought before. Hope drank some more of her drink as she leant back further against the seat. She wasn't sure if this was a cruel question to start with, but she wanted to see Amy flustered and see if she was going to label whatever this was before Hope had the chance to. 

"I-," Amy started before stirring her tea with a metal spoon in an attempt, perhaps, to organise her thoughts. Hope watched the action, it looked methodical but she could tell it was a reaction to the sudden question, she was about to apologise for her bluntness but Amy suddenly continued her train of thought. "I guess, I wanted this to be a date of sorts."

Hope's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Maybe because of her crush admitting that this was a date, or that Amy was confident, which was kind of hot. Amy quickly studied Hope's face and Hope could tell she was about to take back what she had said unless she said something in return. 

She grabbed Amy's hand that had been resting conveniently a few inches beside hers. "Me too," It was all she really needed to reply with as she saw Amy beam up at her and her eyes sparkled and shone in the dim lighting that the coffee shop was offering. It was at this moment that Hope mentally cursed herself for not bringing her camera with her, knowing that Amy would become her new favourite thing to capture. 

Hope felt Amy practically vibrate in excitement as she turned to the bookcase to the side of them and saw a book she recognised. Letting go of her hand, Amy stood and retrieved it. She sat back down quickly and began speaking about it in great detail, Hope hadn't caught the title of the book and was instead too focused on how Amy's hand continued to creep back over towards hers. 

She caught Amy's eye and smiled delicately. Amy stuttered a little but continued her rant about how the ending was unsatisfactory or something. Hope saw the book being placed carefully in front of her. "You should read it. I always saw the books you were reading in Miss Fine's class. You have good taste."

It made her laugh slightly, "You surprised?" Amy laughed in response.

"Oh, no. Not at all. You reading The Bell Jar in like the first month of senior year did make me laugh at you. Was it your cry for help to get out of being a loner?"

Hope shrugged, "Maybe it secretly was, you'll never know." She said smiling at the end. 

Amy smiled back at her. A comfortable silence settled between the two and Hope took this as a prime opportunity to look at the book Amy had placed in front of her. Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley, it was a book that Hope hadn't heard of before. She looked at the orange and yellow front cover before carefully flipping it over to read the blurb. 

"It's a bit heavy in places, I just feel like there aren't many books out there for the stories of young, queer black women y'know. I read it and I just couldn't put it down," Amy stirred her drink, to see Hope turning the book back over, a content look on her face, "it's beautiful honestly, highly recommend it." 

Hope nodded slowly, she wasn't usually a young adult genre kinda girl but she'd give it a chance. Just for Amy, she thought. 

She watched Amy for a little bit, noting how she had calmed down a little as they shared light discussion about books and the different impacts they had, had. Hope smiled and nodded throughout it all, not wanting to disrupt Amy speaking passionately. It lit a fire in her eyes that reminded her of the bathroom incident and of Zoe and of her rough demeanour. She scolded herself internally for thinking of Zoe during her date with Amy.

"You okay? You kinda glazed over for a second," Amy asked, sounding genuinely concerned. Hope's heart melted a little before clearing her throat and tapping the side of the mason jar acting as a mug. The shop strangely matched her overall vibes, which made sense as to why Amy would take her to someplace like this. 

"Yeah, I'm good," she smiled widely as if trying to sell it, "what were you saying, sorry?"

Amy smiled back, "I was saying, I liked this song."

Hope watched her point upwards and she listened to the song playing softly in the background. She recognised it almost immediately, Harry Styles. She laughed a little, nodding in agreement. "I like Harry Styles."

A nervous laugh almost slipped out between her lips as she saw Amy looking at her with her eyebrows scrunched together adorably and her head cocked to the side as if she were trying to figure her out. Hope dropped her gaze down to her mug and downed the last of her drink, she sucked in a breath and looked back up at Amy steadily. 

"What?" 

"You seemed too cool, thought you would only listen to artists that are from the fifties or like ones that no one knows of with names like...Radish or something," Amy chuckled at herself a little.

Hope grinned, "That is actually a band I listen to."

Amy looked astounded by this discovery, she whipped her phone out and furiously typed into what Hope could only assume was the Spotify search bar. Hope grinned madly as Amy played a song and held it up to her ear. She barely heard the 'Huh' escape her lips.

"Rock," Hope nodded to herself as she spoke. Amy nodded back before placing her phone back into her pocket, "Radish, wow. I guess if any vegetable would be suitable to describe rock, it would be the radish."

Hope laughed, deep and throaty and she had to suppress a blush as Amy beamed up at her. She sipped the last bit of her tea and they fell into a comfortable silence. Hope thumbed the edge of the book in front of her and smiled. 

"I-uh-this is fun. You're kinda cool, I guess," Hope refused to look up from the book feeling like this was enough vulnerability for one day and just looking into Amy's eyes would cause her to crack and melt to the floor. She could, however, feel Amy soften the bright smile that was directed at her and she felt like the most important thing in the whole goddamn world in that one moment. 

She felt incredible, on-top-of-the-world even. And she wouldn't change a damn thing about it. 

Amy spoke timidly, "Thanks, you're pretty cool too."

Hope let it sit for a few beats before looking up at Amy with a wicked smile, "Pretty cool for a basic hot girl?" She winked at her and saw a blush rise up Amy's cheeks. 

"Shush," Amy drew it out and Hope stood carefully, holding her hand out to Amy. She took it and Hope tried not to revel in how soft Amy's hands were or how they perfectly fit in hers or how this was probably the happiest she had been in a while. 

Fuck.

She plucked the book up off the table and walked over to the counter to buy it. She felt Amy's eyes on her as she awkwardly got the money out of her wallet with only one hand, refusing to lose the connection between the two. Hope thanked the worker and made her way towards the exit, Amy trailing behind her. 

She wasn't too sure where she was wanting to go next but she didn't want this date to end. At all. 

Slowing to a more normal pace, she watched as Amy walked next to her swaying their arms a little as they walked towards the parked car just across the street. 

They sat in Hope's car for a minute or so in silence before Hope finally broke it, "So, why aren't you in Botswana?"

She watched carefully as Amy swallowed harshly, she could've sworn she went a little paler. Hope observed her wringing her hands out and just as she was about to tell her to forget it, Amy spoke. 

"I guess, I needed to see where this was going before I left."

Hope tilted her head to the side, amusement coating her expression. "Interesting." 

She started driving without another word, she was content with Amy's answer. It was hopeful, exciting almost. She would be lying if she said this wasn't the biggest high she'd ever been on. 

The radio was playing in the background quietly and Hope drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, occasionally stealing looks at Amy from the corner of her eye. She looked peaceful if a bit nervous. Hope continued driving before it suddenly clicked in Amy's brain that she wasn't taking her home.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," Hope smiled slightly. She hadn't initially had a plan for where she was going but seeing the sun looking as if it were about to creep underneath the horizon she knew exactly the spot. She had been there so much that she could practically drive there with her eyes shut. 

They arrived a short ten minutes later and Hope dipped out of the car and leaned against the hood and sighed contentedly. She watched as the sea rolled in and out spectacularly, the reflections of the orange and purple in the sky bouncing off each flick of the water. Amy joined her a few moments later and propelled herself to sit on top of the car after Hope said it was okay. They watched as the sunset beautifully, but Hope would be lying if she said she didn't watch how the fresh moonlight sparkled on Amy's face or how her eyes lit up at the sight in front of them. 

She stood and moved to pull her camera out of the glove compartment, Amy hadn't noticed that Hope had moved and was left staring up at the sky a goofy grin on her face. Hope melted and took a subtle picture. The clicking of the camera pulled Amy out of her trance and she laughed as her face turned a deep shade of red. Hope moved back to stand next to her and Amy hit her shoulder playfully, "I best look good in that."

"You always look good, I wouldn't worry," It had just slipped out, Hope meant the compliment but usually she was much better at keeping her emotions in check. She was never this loose-lipped, but just something about Amy made her want to expose everything to her. 

Amy giggled, the red on her face only intensifying before she cleared her throat, "This place is beautiful."

Hope took a few moments for composure and to make sure she wasn't going to embarrass herself all over again, "This is the first place my Mom took us when we moved here, it's just become a thinking spot I guess."

Amy shifted so her legs were grazing the side of Hope's torso and it felt like it was on fire, she managed to suppress her gasp. But only just. 

"So, you took me to your special spot?" Hope had turned to the side to see Amy wiggling her eyebrows all over the place which cause both of them to burst out laughing. 

"I guess so," Hope shrugged and moved to sit on the hood next to Amy. 

Amy's head immediately dropped to rest on Hope's shoulder. She drew in a sharp breath before leaning her cheek on top of Amy's head. It was awfully intimate for Hope and it made her skin crawl a little how only one date could reduce her to this soft mess. Mumbling, Hope only managed to catch a few of the things Amy was saying but assumed it was only speaking to fill the silence. Hope didn't mind it and could sit there all night watching the sea roll in and out continuously and her head rested on Amy's smelling her strawberry shampoo, she wrapped her arm around Amy and pulled her a little closer to her in a moment of bravery. 

They stayed sat for at least ten minutes, both occasionally speaking about anything and everything. Neither fully addressing the elephant in the room- what was going to happen for the year that Amy was to be away. Hope didn't mind, however, more content to be living in the moment than Amy was. She felt her shiver and enveloped her in her arms, hearing a little giggle as Amy's head poked out. Hope placed a careful kiss to her forehead and continued watching the ocean. 

She never wanted this night to end. 

It was the first time she hadn't had her past plague her like a dangerous disease. She wasn't thinking of anyone or anything except Amy. Amy. Amy. And how she fit perfectly in her arms, how she was smooth without meaning to be, how she was incredibly insightful and made Hope want to be better. She made Hope want to try again. 

Hope released Amy from her hold and proceeded to get back into the car. Amy followed suit and smiled widely up at Hope causing a shy smile to form on her own face. They drove back in relative silence, neither wanting to break the perfect, peaceful atmosphere the sea had given them. A complete contrast from the anxiety-filled silence when Hope had picked her up.

When she pulled up outside Amy's house, she waited to see if Amy was going to do anything before she left. 

"I leave next week."

Hope nodded slowly, "You have my number."

Amy grinned back, "I do," she reached for the door handle before stopping, Hope raised an eyebrow expectantly before Amy pecked her on the lips. It was short and sweet but Hope wouldn't change anything about it. It was perfect. 

She watched as Amy walked to her front door before turning and waving shyly back at Hope. 

"That girl will be the death of me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me way longer than i had anticipated but i have so many booksmart fics on the go so y'all are welcome. this was written to the alternative pride playlist by Spotify, it honestly slaps.  
although: I think wish you were sober by Conan grey had major hope and amy vibes  
also Radish is a band I managed to find and they're kinda dope. my best friend isn't a fan but she's a loser so it's fine


End file.
